Save the world

art by ray caesar; keep art alive

Questions are something that I have always been rather fond of. I have an ever curious nature that is not easily sated by surface small talk. Long, deep conversations that last well into the early hours of morning are some of my most favorite things be a part of. Perhaps it is the writer in me, or the fact that humankind just interests me, but I have this need inside me to know people's stories. The truth that I have discovered, through my inquisitions of those I meet or come in contact with, is that people love to discuss themselves; they enjoy having a reason to expose their plots and unearth their mysteries to a someone who is actually listening. We are all suckers for surveys, magazine page quizzes, and even truth or dare games. Casual therapy between friends can be the building blocks to connection and healing; and, at times I do believe we all need a prescribed dose of that.

Veronica is at the question-asking stage. She throws quite a bit of what I say back at me, wondering at what it all means. This is not a ploy to change my responses, or instigate anything. Nor is it a bargaining tool to navigate things to go her way (though she does possess quite a bit of bartering techniques). Instead I see in her just this enormous curiousity and a burning need to know. Tonight she asked me two different questions, one that I found amusing and could answer easily; the other took my breath from me, and made me momentarily pause to sort out how I would answer her. This is a change for her, this new tiny detective who peels apart words and phrases, sights and sounds. And, I think I am still trying to get a grasp on how deep and detailed she wants my answers to be.

The simple question was "what does already mean, momma?", as she had just used the word in her impatient tone of "let's get out of the car already." I love that she questions things that she not only hears, but says herself. She picks up sayings people utter around her; overheard conversations, teenage vernacular from Julia and her friends, slang lifted from television shows or heard in song lyrics. Most times she uses the new-to-her phrases correctly, she has a strong vocabulary, a good grasp on language, and a sharp ear for how things should sound. But, when she is not completely sure what something means she tries it out, then asks for confirmation that she has used it right. I told her "the way you used already means hurry" and she smiled at me, pleased with herself for expressing her feelings correctly. For a second she glowed enough to light up the dark parking garage.

"What is the end of the world, momma?" was the trickier question she threw at me. It gave me quite a pause, and I admit my first instinct was to change the subject. She has inquired about death a lot lately, especially asking about my Grandmother who passed away long before she had the chance to meet her. I was not sure if this was a question that veered into the realm of death, or if this was something she had pictured in her mind as an actual end of the earth. There was some cartoon that ran through my memory-scape, that I cannot clearly recall. It had a character standing at the end of the world, as if the pages led to something blank and final, and there he was standing and looking straight into an endless abyss. I also pictured Jim Carrey's character in The Truman Show finding the far edge of the set, the flat surface appearing to him as if it were the end of the world. Was it this kind of ending she was seeing in her mind's eye?

These mind wanderings and imaginings just lengthened my hesitance to respond, and for a second or two I thought I might escape without having to come up with an answer. Veronica would have none of that and asked again, "what is the end?" I told her the only thing I could, that I really did not know. Perhaps it would be if the whole world were to die. She mulled that over for a bit then responded with another question, "you mean like the dinosaurs that all died?" I said "yes, something like that." The conversation was put on hold as we went into the house and she was distracted by her brother who had fallen asleep on the couch, and her desire to have some of the dinner that was now ready for us to eat. It was a bit later, as I tucked her into bed that she said to me in an almost whisper "we should be like superheroes, momma, and take care of the world so it does not end."

I smiled and agreed with her, told her that her papa already prepared her for that job by giving her a superhero middle name. Veronica Hawkgirl, she is making plans to save the world.

So I walk up on high

And I step to the edge

To see my world below

And I laugh at myself

While the tears roll down

'Cause it's the world I know

It's the world I know

The World I Know ~ Collective Soul

L.